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French weekly magazines review 22 January 2017

Round up the usual suspects. Emmanuel Macron, Jean-Luc Mélenchon, Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, Mickey Mouse and Uncle Tom Cobbly are the lads, once again, hogging the weekly front pages.

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Le Point gives the front page honours to Emmanuel Macron, the former banker, former economy minister in a Socialist government, now non-party candidate for the French presidency.

What does he stand for is the central question. The answer offered by Le Point is a bit soft, although, in fairness, the man has still to publish a political programme.

Over at Marianne, they wonder if hard-left contender Jean-Luc Mélenchon might finally make an impact in the presidential struggle. The fact is that a divided left, a crowded centre and a reactionary right offer the former Socialist his best chance ever. Still, fourth place in the first round is probably the best Mélenchon can hope for.

Couple from Hell

Le Nouvel Observateur offers to reveal the secrets of what the magazine calls "a couple from hell" - Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump. There are no secrets or, if there are, Le Nouvel Obs has not been informed. This is a lazy rehash of last week's bizarre claims that the Kremlin had damaging personal and political information about Trump, claims that seem to have vanished quicker than you can say "fake news".

L'Express carries a spoof ad on its front page, offering the French Socialist Party for sale.

And weekly satirical paper Le Canard Enchaîné wonders if today's Socialist primary might not be the beginning of the end for a hopelessly divided organisation, lost in the wasteland which separates Macron from Mélenchon.

So much for the covers. Is there anything interesting inside the bally mags?

Macron Le Pen's 'ideal adversary'

Le Point has far-right leader Marine Le Pen describing Emmanuel Macron as the ideal adversary in the presidential battle.

She thinks he's a media creation, destined to vanish without trace once the novelty wears off, describing him as the "Justin Bieber of French politics".

As a former merchant banker, an economy minister who quit, a pro-European centrist who denies the legitimacy of either left or right, Macron does offer Le Pen a fairly large target. Not to mention the fact that, unlike François Fillon's Republicans and the struggling Socialists, Macron has nothing like the well-oiled party structure needed to turn his current momentum into first-round votes.

Winner and losers in the Euro 2016 footy fest

L'Express says that the French financial watchdog, the Accounts Court, which keeps a beady eye on the way the government spends our money, is critical of last year's Euro 2016 football competition, organised here in France.

Despite being a huge financial success for the organising European Union of Football Associations, the footy fest failed to benefit France in terms of increased employment or economic growth, it reports. We're unlikely to learn the details or the reasons behind that sad finding. The Accounts Court has decided not to publish its own report, finding that it was "not up to standard".

Michael Mouse could be on his way to court

Mickey Mouse might be in legal trouble, according to a report in Marianne.

How, you might wonder, can EuroDisney continue to be the most visited tourist atraction in Europe, and still lose money, year after year?

The people who run the park just outside Paris blame the economic crisis, the weather, strikes or terrorist attacks. But, suggests the Marianne article, the truth may turn out to be a lot more prosaic: it could be that the boys back at Disney headquarters in California have been deliberately siphoning money out of the French operation.

Now an out-of-pocket French investment fund has asked the courts to look into the whole affair.

Tough men for a tough job

Under the headline "The generals take over", L'Express looks at what it finds one of the more worrying aspects of the new administration in Washington.

This is the fact that President Trump has chosen three battle-hardened warriors among his closest advisors.

James Mattis, the new man at Defence, John Kelly at security and special advisor Michael Flynn have carpets on their chests after careers spent fighting the bad guys in Afghanistan, the Gulf and Iraq.

The problem for L'Express is that the transition from battle-hardened warrior to subtle diplomatic negotiator is not the easiest line to follow. And when men like these - they would not be out of place carved into the rock at Mount Rushmore - are directed by an inexperienced president who has promised to "put America first," you have what L'Express politely calls "an explosive mixture".

These are the dudes who are going to "make America safe again". But what about the rest of us?

James Mattis is the best or, depending on how you look at it, the worst of them, L'Express reports. He's against torture, but was also vehemently against any peace deal with Iran. He has a personal library of 6,000 volumes, with a special place for Marcus Aurelius.

Mattis once told combat troops under his command to "be polite, be professional, but always be ready to blow the shit out of anything that moves." His battlefield nickname was Mad Dog. Woof!

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